Have you ever had the feeling of awe while watching your child? Not pride or fulfillment or joy, but awe. Dashner Keltner describes awe as the feeling you get in the presence of something vast that changes your understanding of the world as you know it, like looking up at a sky full of stars or a first glimpse of the Grand Canyon.
As a parent at The Village School for the past five years I’ve felt a lot of emotions: frustration, worry, pride, gratitude – and I’ve learned to lean into all of them. Each emotion is a vital part of parenthood, and especially important during the parenting of a self-directed learner. I’ve also had the privilege of experiencing awe based on the learning experiences that my own children and others have as learners at TVS. These moments occur in all the expected spaces like the end of year Character Rock Ceremony, or the middle school I have a dream speeches, but my favorite experience of awe are the experiences that sneak up on you when you’re least expecting and create the kind of awe Kelter summons and changes the way you see the world.
One of those moments happened just a few weeks ago when my 9 year old daughter tearfully shared a fear that she would never be able to memorize multiplication facts. Thankfully, I had some patience left in my tank from the day. I gave her a hug, affirmed her feelings, and asked if she had any ideas for how to overcome this worthy challenge. After a little back and forth, I showed her a strategy other TVS learners have used – a menu of online courses including some on multiplication. After several minutes of doing her own research, she called me over to show me a three night class that started that night. Fifteen minutes later she was live on a zoom class with a teacher and seven other 9 year olds.
For the next three nights my husband, her sister, and I sat in the other room eavesdropping and meeting each other’s knowing gaze each time we witnessed her participation. The learner who was in tears afraid of the multiplication challenge was zoned in, engaged, raising her hand, participating on a zoom class (something she had never experienced before), getting questions right, getting questions wrong, asking for explanations and clarifications, and even completing “homework” in the traditional sense. Each night the class was just over an hour and she was locked in the entire time.
Towards the end of the third and final class the three of us eavesdroppers looked at each other in awe. The determination to take responsibility for her own education and her belief in herself that she could do it was a moment of full of wonder for us – it didn’t matter if she learned any multiplication, what mattered was her ability to set a goal, follow through, and face a fear.
Taking responsibility for your own education is a throughline of The Village School experience. At the beginning of each year learners in all studios sign a contract that lists the promises they make to themselves and each other with the goal of creating and maintaining a healthy community. A line on each contract reads: I promise to take responsibility for my own education.
Most parents share that this feels like a huge relief, and I agree. On the surface, I’m relieved to have one less thing to add to my never-ending to-do list, or maybe I’m just excited to add something to my list that I can immediately check off (if you know, you know). Short-term relief to my mental load as a parent is always a win, but when I think more about what the promise my kids and the other learners at The Village School make to themselves, I’m more curious than relieved. The recent experience of my 9 year old demanding to take an online class to help her with math is a tangible example – but my curiosity persists. How do other parents recognize it happening? What does it mean to other families – and what does it mean to the learners? Really, I’m mostly curious about what the young people themselves think about this promise. Forget what it means to me and the other adults, but what does taking responsibility for their own education mean to them? So, I did the obvious, and I asked them.
Here are some of their responses:
It means to be helpful and use kind words. age 7
To always make sure that you’re working hard. – age 10
It means to hold yourself accountable and look out for others, too. – age 9
Be ready to learn and keep track of your goals. – age 7
Finding a place to focus and find flow. – age 8
We take responsibility for our own education because we get to choose what we are working on and it’s up to us to not get distracted or distract others. age 10
I get to choose what I want to do and take my own time to finish it. – age 11
As expected, the learners’ were able to articulate their experience better than me. I posed the same question to our team of guides: What does it look like when a learner is taking responsibility for their own education in your studio? The discussion that followed was rich with examples of young people, but one story really stuck with me.
A guide shared that during a routine guide meeting with a sixth grader, she noticed that despite completing a unit on Khan academy several weeks prior, the learner had yet to begin the next unit. Curious about why this might be the case, the guide inquired. The learner gave a knowing sigh and shared “Ah, yes. I haven’t moved on to the next unit because even though I mastered the percentage unit on Khan, I don’t feel like I have a deep enough understanding of percentages and how they work. I don’t want to move on until I understand it better. I think percentages are important in life and I want to really get it right.” The guide asked if the learner had any ideas about how to gain the deeper understanding she so desired. The learner shared a thoughtful plan that involved more practice and promised to follow up in a few weeks – once she felt more confident in her ability and understanding. Can you think of a time in your sixth grade life that you had this perspective on your school work? If you’re like me the answer is a definite nope. Never, ever. This is what taking responsibility for your own education looks like.
As a parent (and a guide) taking responsibility for your own education means more than the relief of one less adult responsibility. The promise represents a manifestation of the value and trust that I have in my own kids. It communicates that they don’t need me to accomplish their goals – they can set goals and reach them on their own. Of course I’m here to cheer them on, support them, and guide them, but ultimately, it’s their responsibility. At The Village School taking responsibility for your own education is not just a concept, it’s a daily practice that when reflected upon can change one’s view of the world and activate a sense of awe.
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